Show Preparation
Hi,
This morning’s events have been formally reviewed.
The ponies met at approximately 06:47, just after the first human arrived in a level of optimism that was not supported by reality.
Chairpony Moonshine opened proceedings.
“Today,” he said,
“we discuss… show preparation.”
A small pony spoke first.
“My human arrived early,” he said.
“She said we were going to get organised.”
There was a pause.
The elderly cob nodded.
“Yes,” he said.
“That is usually the moment things begin to deteriorate.”
First item:
Washing.
A gleaming show pony stepped forward.
“I was bathed,” she said.
“Then re-bathed.
Then spot washed.
Then fully re-washed because my human ‘lost confidence in the process.’”
The barn absorbed this.
A grey pony added quietly,
“I was shampooed twice and then conditionered in a way that suggested I was attending a wedding.”
Moonshine nodded.
“Yes.
Humans believe cleanliness is cumulative.”
Second item:
Products.
A pony lifted his head.
“My human used something called Show Sheen.”
The cob leaned forward.
“How much?”
The pony stared into the distance.
“At one point, I believe she sprayed the air around me… just in case.”
Another pony joined in.
“I have hoof oil on.
And then more hoof oil.
And then a different hoof oil ‘for depth.’”
“Can you stand?” asked the cob.
“Not confidently.”
Third item:
Shopping.
A nervous voice from the back.
“My human went to Home Bargains.”
The barn fell silent.
“What did she buy?” asked Moonshine.
The pony took a breath.
“Sponges.
Wipes.
More wipes.
A grooming bag.
A second grooming bag because the first one ‘wasn’t right.’
Plaiting bands.
Scissors.
Three sprays that all promise shine.
And snacks.”
“Snacks?” said the cob.
“Yes,” said the pony.
“For morale.”
The committee agreed morale was important.
Fourth item:
Plaiting.
A chestnut pony stepped forward slowly.
“My mane was done,” he said.
“Then undone.
Then redone.
Then my human stepped back, looked at it, sighed… and started again.”
Moonshine nodded.
“Standard.”
A smaller pony whispered,
“My forelock has been attempted seven times and is now… being left to express itself.”
General agreement.
Final item:
The Reality Check.
A seasoned mare spoke with quiet authority.
“My human finished everything,” she said.
“Bathing.
Plaiting.
Tack cleaning.
Organisation.”
The barn leaned in.
“And then,” she continued,
“I watched her place a clean rug on me…”
A pause.
“…and forget to close the stable door.”
Silence.
The cob closed his eyes.
“You went out?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said.
“I went straight out.
Found mud.
And lay down immediately.”
The barn nodded.
Moonshine closed the meeting.
“Let it be recorded,” he said,
“that humans preparing for shows are:
Determined
Hardworking
And deeply optimistic.”
He paused.
“But ultimately,” he added,
“unprepared for us.”
The ponies returned to their hay, calm in the knowledge that tomorrow would bring further opportunities for disruption.
Because no matter how early they start…
how many products they buy…
or how many times they redo a plait…
the outcome is always the same.
We wait.
We watch.
And then…
we lie down.
See you at the yard,
Charlene
Founder – World Equestria
